I like the new Christina Aguliera song, Does that make me Gay?

When I first heard the song "Ain't No other Man" I danced around my room like a women, more specifically a petite blond woman with a Hispanic sounding last name. Even now as I write this, I am bopping in my comfy office chair to the funky horns and christina's trilly voice. Does that make me gay?
Some people would say yes, although they don't write for this blog so the answer is no.
This question intrigued me, how many people around the world question their sexuality? I decided to do some research. I asked men and women around the globe to send me their "Does that make me gay?" questions. I tried to help them as best I could...

Q:
Dear Doug
My Question also has to do with Christina Aguliera. I fell in love with the Spanish release of her single "Come On over" retitled, "ven comigo" I danced to it every night before I went to bed and set it as my wake up song on my alarmclock/CD player. Does that make me gay?
Yours truly,
ConfusedinMI

A:
Dear ConfusedinMI
While "Come on over" is certainly more gay than "Ain't no other Man" I don't think that what kind of music you listen to determines what sexuality you are. Now I know the media is going to tear my ass apart tomorrow but I Don't care! I am going to Say it: The only thing that makes a person gay is if the engage in same sex relations. That was really bold of me to say but I believe it and its a free country so, thank you, and thank me.

Q:
Dear Doug,
I voted for George W Bush twice, Does that make me gay?
sincerely
HelpmeinOhio

A:
Dear HelpmeinOhio
No, that makes you retarded. Have a good life Corky...

That's all for now, see you next time non-readers!!

Why am I Doing this?

"Why am I doing this?" is a question many people ask themselves everyday, I certainly do....

"Why Am I doing this?" he asked himself as he took the spicy chicken filet out of the pseudo-oven box and put it on a delicious sesame bun...

There are many situations that warrant a "why am I doing this?" Check-in, most of them involve animals...

As he knelt down to enter the sheep, Brandon took a condom out of the left breast pocket of his red flannel shirt, the Wrapping glistened in moonlight. As he tore open its package with his teeth, both Brandon and the sheep let out a moan of sorts, which rang out a certain chord, a chord filled with excitement and fear. The fear part of the chord was sung by the Sheep. Brandon was just about to finish rolling the condom on, when he thought, "Why am I doing this?" Laughing, he pulled off the condom with a snap, and entered the sheep unprotected.

...or Drugs...

It was obvious to Connor that the strange man had already masturbated today, because this was taking a long time. But not to worry, Connor had a few more tricks up his sleeve. "Funny" Connor thought (because he couldn't speak) "it really only takes a month to become truly acclimated to any job, whether it be office work or selling yourself." At this, A wave of sadness passed over him and he pondered, "why am I doing this?" then, like like a foreign object hitting the back of his throat he suddenly remembered. "oh yeah, I am doing this to get money for drugs." then he made the strange man ejaculate (just a little).

And now I will explore inside myself to find out why I have decided to start a blogspot.
1. It would be good to get things off me chest
2. If I thought people actually read it, it would be nice to think I was writing something that people would like to read
3. I am afraid of mediocrity and I will do anything to prove that I am not mediocre.
4. I need the writing practice.
5. I am very pretentious
6. I want people to recognize my superior, unique, and utterly predictable taste in movies, music, and books.
7. Previously, all ever I did on the Internet was masturbate. And because it gave and gave every night, I have decided to give back (just a little).

That's all for now, check back later all my non readers!